July 4, 2017: Holding Our Own Heart

In attempting to write today, I found myself starting and stopping with nothing really wanting to come through. So, I took a break and went to the grocery store. Driving back home, I was in reflection on my current state and realized my heart wasn’t feeling particularly well. I’m not particularly sad but not particularly happy either. I feel fairly content, and yet something seems to be nagging or pulling at me.

Being present with this state, I felt an avoidance of something that needed to be held and discovered. I also felt a building sense of potential trauma coming up for both people and animals in association with the impending 4th of July fireworks. Somewhere in the middle of this, however, my thoughts went to needing to hold our own hearts, to being our own heart’s refuge, and to offering our own hearts the reverence and sensitivity that it deserves.

Tuning in and directing my attention to my own heart space, I began to just feel into and discover what was present. Although I immediately wanted to offer my appreciation, I felt my words being pushed aside. So, I decided to just become more present and to hold what was there.

Image by geralt under CC0 1.0

In doing so, I experienced more sadness than I was previously aware of. A sense of wanting to eat and push these feelings away came up, but I let them pass. Then I felt a swirling of energy within my heart, envisioned a collapsing flame, and sensed even more swirling energy, which seemed to be a request for greater physical movement within my life.

Staying with these sensations, I kept trying to think it through and to discover something more. But it seemed that I wasn’t really supposed to discover anything more right now. Instead, my heart just seemed to want me to be with and to hold the sorrow that was present. This was enough for today. This seemed to be what my heart wanted. This seemed to be what was important to do for my heart today.

In some ways, the messages from my heart seemed intentionally vague. And yet, the message seemed clear not to do anything more. For, to do otherwise seemed too much, to do otherwise was not what my heart needed, and to do otherwise would not make it better right now.

So, I invite you to go in, to be present with your own heart, and to hold it right where it is. Don’t try to change what is there. Don’t try to figure it out. Just be present and hold your heart where it is right now.

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