On this journey of allowing death and cultivating heart, I have skipped a couple of days of reflection due to either not having adequate time and space to write or not having anything in particular come through to write about. In doing so, I have wondered what to do about these skipped days. Should I try to catch them up? Should I fill them in later? Should I add something at the end? Today, the idea comes to simply add a date and to not worry about writing every single day, which does change this project somewhat and does not entirely resolve the situation for me. Perhaps I will end up dropping the “day” and just putting the “date.”
In adding the date on this day, however, I notice the series of ones and sevens that come up within 10/17/17 and 117. So, I wondered what meaning might be associated with this. The references I found included being on the right path, transitioning into something new, opening a portal of light, the dawning of a new day, and turning lead into gold. But these themes are actually representative of what I’d been thinking of writing about next, which is the transition point between fire and light, death and renewal, and partial to full transformation.
What also comes up at this time, is the way that many, if not all, of us have been living from the perspective of traumatic experience rather than from within our hearts. In other words, we are living and directing the flow of our lives through traumas both large and small, instead of through the outpouring of our hearts. We are acting and re-acting from a place of trauma rather than from the place of our original hearts. Whether inherited, experienced, or culturalized, I feel we have needed or allowed ourselves to be boxed away from our natural state of being, from our compassionate, empathic, and loving state of being.
This became even more poignant for me as a friend discussed the variances between our yeses and noes for life, with particular emphasis on respecting those yeses and noes and all the spaces in between. Sadly, I suddenly noticed that I’ve had very few ecstatic, enthusiastic, or fully heartfelt yeses throughout my entire life. Some of this I understand, but other pieces feel buried within me and not yet ready to reveal themselves. Regardless of what this includes, I can now start to see how some aspects of my life have prevented me from living a fuller life experience.
What occurs to me from within the trauma and within my limited enthusiasm though, is the disrespect for our yeses and noes. For, what does it matter if you say yes or no to something when it might not or will not be honored? What if you don’t even have the choice to say yes or no? What choices can you make when your heart really wants to say yes but to do so requires all kinds of disrespect? What do you do when your enthusiasm for life cannot be found in a world full of varying levels of disrespect?
In truth, my lack of enthusiasm feels like trying to live within something that, on so many levels, feels like death to my heart. This makes me believe that we are trying to live death. But death is a difficult aspect to be lived, as it is meant to be released and not held.
Therefore, I invite you into your own heart to look for all the places you have been disrespected. But, as you do so, don’t forget to look for all the ways you have accepted this disrespect or have become disrespectful towards yourself. Then help us all by offering your respect to our heartfelt yeses and noes. Let us build a new collective dream together of respect, of heart, and of compassion, love, and empathy.