October 24, 2017: Being Without Explaining

Although I began to write about a particular topic tonight, I also continued to feel the same unease I have been feeling for the past several days with regard to this journey of allowing death and cultivating heart. But then, as I set it aside for a moment, I suddenly felt the words of “I DON’T WANT TO EXPLAIN WHO I AM ANYMORE!!!” arise from within me. Along with this, I could also feel the grief that was just hanging around in the background of my heart.

“Don’t miss a single color” by Marcelo César Augusto Romeo under CC BY 2.0

In receiving this announcement from myself, I feel I have wanted to be heard for who I am and for what I think about. I have also desired to express my personal perspectives in taking our journeys through life. I haven’t really been looking for validation. But, I have been attempting to create a connective bridge of understanding between different worlds of potential life experience.

With regard to not wanting to explain further though, I feel a deeper part of me exists that just wants to have my own experience without picking it apart and explaining it. In doing so, however, I feel a restriction of movement that slows me down and doesn’t allow me to fully expand myself at a rate I am comfortable with. I feel less able to just be in the world and be who I am.

Thus, I am not sure whether this project will continue in its current format. I don’t know if this is arising as part of the process or if this is signaling the end. So, stay tuned to see what might or might not actually happen next.

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