November 11, 2017: Grief’s Weight

For almost a month now, my body has been giving me signals to stop, to stop what I am currently doing. Right now! I have both heeded these calls and tried to stretch past them until I could not deny the truth within them. And then, the grief came…

Image by stux under CC0 1.0

The grief came about all that is desired to be done and all that can actually be done. The grief came about all the ways I’ve desired to move forward and all the ways I’ve been said “no” to, by spiritual guidance coming through my body and by the physical world around me. And then the grief came to surround me and not let me pass through it, until I allowed it to fully enter me and to move out the built up debris of worn out ways of living.

But within this grief also comes the reflection of fear. Fear of not being able to accomplish what I desire. Fear of not being able to accomplish what I’ve committed myself to. Fear of not being supported or not being able to support myself.

Although my grief and my fears have not yet left me, as I can still feel the weight of them prodding me to move forward and onto a new and different direction. I already find the openings of possibilities that I never even believed could be true. But for now, just for now, I allow grief’s presence as it continues to inform me of what’s now passed. I allow grief to process what has already died, what is being released from within me, and what is making space for something new.

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